HILLSBOROUGH COUNTY UNMASKED

A horrific scene unfolded at the June 19th meeting of the Hillsborough County Convention to approve the 2025-2026 budget. Most GOP representatives and some Democratic representatives from Manchester were shocked to learn that the county tax rate would increase by over 20%. How could that be? After years of taking money out of surplus accounts to keep past tax increases unreasonably low, they were stunned to learn that the accounts were running dry. No one had told them!! At least they didn’t REMEMBER being told!!!! A few were so devastated that they had to leave the meeting early, falling ill to diseases known as “Leaving Others to Hold the Bag”, “Never Go on the Record for a Tax Increase”, and “Call Me Fiscally Irresponsible”. Some were seen pulling out their hair and writhing in pain. 

Although in past years these same representatives boldly went on record to underfund county revenue through fiscally-irresponsible tax policy, they now stood firm in their desire to avoid responsibility. Warnings had been issued that federal money was running out, but conservatives, who publicly abhor taking federal money while depending on it to keep taxes low, covered their ears and screamed loudly. To accept this reality, they would have to abandon their ideology.   

Representative Pennywise-Dollar-Foolish demanded cutbacks to county services.  When reminded that his grandmother was a Medicaid resident of the county nursing home, Representative Pennywise-Dollar-Foolish demanded that cuts be made elsewhere. He questioned the county’s contribution to Meals-on-Wheels stating, “Do the elderly really need to eat daily? They are going to die soon anyways.” 

Other Republicans questioned the math that went into the tax rate. They were perplexed on how surplus accounts could be getting depleted when only $50M had been taken out over the past 6 years; more than any amount in the County’s history. County administrators projected a PowerPoint slide showing a leaking bucket in which more money was going out than was coming in. Still, many had trouble understanding this concept.  

Those Republicans that stayed for the vote, however, were comforted by the fact that their “ill” colleagues provided cover by placing them in a minority position. They could all vote against the budget, knowing that it would pass and they could scream, “SEE IT’S THE DEMOCRATS WHO VOTE FOR HIGHER TAXES!” Having, thus, fallen back on the old Republican playbook, they got into their Cadillacs and Teslas and drove off into the sunset, content that they had done their job.